For years now, I have struggled, over-analyzed, doubted, and beat myself up for just about everything. I wasn't patient enough with my kids. I wasn't confident enough at work. I wasn't giving enough to others. In my eyes, I just wasn't enough. About a year ago, a question was posed to me that shifted how I thought about myself. I was asked if I was my own best friend, what kind of friend would I be. I realized I was a shitty friend and I needed to work on that relationship.That began the journey that has lead me to today as I continue to walk towards the path towards self-acceptance.
I began by being gentler with myself. I started to be patient with myself when I made mistakes and honored my need for self-care. I allowed myself to show and feel emotion and to be vulnerable in front of others. I set down the need for perfection and let go of the desire to look like I had it all together all the time. This was not easy. It was scary and there were moments where I felt selfish or foolish. I often questioned why I was spending so much time on meditation, yoga, journaling, or digging up old wounds to examine when I would be "fine" just living the way I was living. But, we all know that those words were my ego's attempt to trick me into staying stuck in the same old patterns.
However, a year later, I can say I am breathing easier. I am smiling more. The "checking-in" with myself seems like a natural part of my day and it comes a little easier when difficult emotions arise. I enjoy being around the person inside me and have fun being creative, joyful, and playful at times. I am not a two-dimensional person who is trying so hard to fit some image. I am starting to be able to connect with my friends and family on a deeper level, exposing my authentic self and feeling real emotions and empathy. I am still scared sometimes, but I know that it is what I fear or resist the most that I need to address.
I am enough, just as I am.
I am One with all other beings.
I have the power to choose how to respond to every situation.
I am open to the Divine and the Divine is opening in me.
I am loved and I AM love.
Once I made the shift to truly living by these words, my life seemed to unfold in front and around me as a gift from the Universe (or the Divine or God or whatever that all giving energy that surrounds us is called.) And I keep looking behind me to see when doubt, fear, self-judgment, and anger are going to gain ground on me and take back over my life. But, so far, so good. I am not saying that I don't have my share of challenging moments, upsetting life events that have happened to my friends or family, or that I expect my life to be problem-free. However, I am saying that because of the soul work that I have done and continue to do, my intention is to live my life as mindfully aware and joyfully present as possible. To keep turning over those stones in my psyche and seeing what needs to be healed, what needs to be released, and what needs to be cherished. And through this work, I hope to inspire others to do the same, because this is what I know to be true.
You are enough, just as you are.
You are One with all other beings.
You have the power to choose how to respond to every situation.
You can be open to the Divine and the Divine is waiting to open within you.
You are loved and You ARE Love.